On a More Serious Note. . .

As Michael pondered how shallow he had been, he was struck by another thought. It wasn't simply that he hadn't gone deep enough. It was rather that he had grown accustomed to wading in pools that had no depth to begin with. A turn toward holiness would be a turn toward a different life altogether - to a life where different things mattered than had mattered in the past. Did he desire such a life? He knew that of all the questions, this was the most important.
— James L. Ferrell (The Holy Secret)

So, I originally wrote this post back in December of last year. I never posted it because with it I included a list of things I've done in my life that weren't so stellar, and a list of current weaknesses. I've decided to post what I wrote because I needed a reminder, but I think I'll leave out the list of reasons I'm such an evil sinner. Here it is. . .

The whole background behind this post is the one theme that always sticks out to me when I go to church. Someone is trying to tell me something big time. I've been getting the same message for at least the past 7 years. Seven years people! Pretty pathetic, I know. The short of the message is this: "What lack I yet?" Years ago someone in one of our student wards gave a lesson about this scripture. Before that lesson I had always seen the scripture the same way. The young man was unwilling to give up his riches, so he was unable to enter the kingdom of God. Not a problem for me. I don't have any riches to give up. Probably never will! During the lesson we were asked what we weren't willing to give up. I may not have riches, but there a whole lot of little things I'm not willing to let go of that are holding me back (see the section that begins with "Becoming attached to worldly things"). It is so weird because you know that letting go of the little things is going to bring greater happiness into your life, and that leaving your hand wrapped around that nut is going to lead to misery, but sometimes you REALLY want that nut. You can't help it. Why are we so afraid to lose our old selves? Here is something Neal A. Maxwell said in conference in 1992 (from the talk "Settle This In Your Hearts"):

Consecration is the only surrender which is also a victory. It brings release from the raucous, overpopulated cell block of selfishness and emancipation from the dark prison of pride. Yet instead of striving for greater consecration, it is so easy to go on performing casually in halfhearted compliance as if hoping to “ride to paradise on a golf cart.” (Henry Fairlie, The Seven Deadly Sins, Indiana: University of Notre Dame Press, 1979, p. 125.)

But is being consecrated and “swallowed up” a threat to our individuality? (See Mosiah 15:7.) No! Heavenly Father is only asking us to lose the old self in order to find the new and the real self. It is not a question of losing our identity but of finding our true identity!

In the past I've argued with myself that some of the things that I am holding on to are what make me "me." I've worried that letting go would make me a person that my current self wouldn't like. So many times I have been on the verge of finding my true identity, but I haven't yet waded into the deeper waters. It's time to dive in head first and not look back. So on this, my 34th birthday, I resolve to find my true identity. Lets hope that it is easier than losing weight ;).

You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
C. S. Lewis

Blogging Slacker

Lately I've been too lazy to come up with anything interesting to post on my blog. I've had a few ideas, but just can't seem to muster up the energy to go all out and write a post. So, I thought I'd come here post a list of subjects I considered blogging about but haven't gotten around to (an perhaps never will).

Blog Post Ideas That Never Were (so far):

1. A post about how adult acne is completely unfair, and a PSA about how 34 year old women should not pick their zits. Why? Because 34 year old skin does not heal like 24 year old skin, and unless you want to have a permanent third eye, please refrain from picking that blind zit that keeps cropping up between your eyebrows. I needed that PSA a few months ago.

2. A post about all the reasons I'm totally going to hell (I've actually started a draft of this one, but so far haven't had the guts to post it). Here's a little preview of what's on the list: 1) Because of the times I forged my professor's names on drop slips to get out of classes I no longer wanted to take in junior college. 2) Because of my favorite part of *NSYNC's "Bye, Bye, Bye" video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JoJqID-wJY (at about 2:35). 3) Some of my favorite movies are rated 'R'.

3. A post about how in the last 5 years I have discovered one of my true passions, genealogy, and how I never understood why my dad used to spend hours at a time doing it. I wish he were here so we could enjoy it together.

4. A post about how I dislike the fact that I naturally look like I'm scowling and how this is not fair because people think I am a grouch. Which is sometimes true, but not always. I usually try to adjust my facial expression to look more pleasant, but that is not always comfortable. I'm not always unhappy people, just about half the time. ;)

5. A post about how I really dislike being social and trying to make friends. The older I get, the harder it gets for me.

6. A post about how project "Love Myself More Than I Love Food" has so far completely failed and I have gained five pounds instead of shedding pounds.

Household Tips

This post is inspired by my friend Angie's new blog. I think her new blog is a fabulous idea, and already I've gotten some great tips. She invited anyone that wanted to to become a contributor on the site. Sadly, as previously discussed here, I am not at all crafty and/or domestic. So I just read the blog for great ideas.

Anyway, when I was a newlywed in our first ward in Castle Dale I got this cute little booklet from the Relief Society. It contains the greatest household tips! The following are MY type of household tips:

HOW TO HAVE A CLEAN HOUSE

If your family has never noticed your resemblance to the "White Tornado" when it comes to cleaning and if your cleaning ranks up there with squishing the green worms in the tomato vines, these methods may be ones you'll want to adopt:

1. Don't have children.

2. Hire help.

3. Choose friends whose homes are worse than yours.

4. Pick a spouse who finds joy in making things shine.

5. Keep the shades and drapes pulled and the lights low.

Another great tip:

Always keep your vacuum cleaner near the front door. If someone comes to your home unexpectedly, it gives the impression that you either just finished vacuuming, or you were just about to vacuum.

The booklet actually has some really great practical tips. Too bad I've only looked at it a few times in the past 14 years(and tried even fewer)! Here are a few:

When you have forgotten to take the butter out of the fridge for a recipe, shred it like a carrot. The pieces will be soft enough to use.

For smells in the garbage disposal, grind half a lemon, orange, or grapefruit in it.

Vinegar will remove ink stains very easily.

If your dress is clinging to your slip, wear the slip wrong side out.

If you eat soup with a plastic spoon, it will cool faster. Metal spoons retain the heat.

For dull scissors: Cut a piece of sandpaper into strips. You'll have sharp scissors.

An out-of-season blanket takes up no valuable storage space if you fold it flat and lay it smoothly between the mattress and box springs.

Shake a little talcum powder or cornstarch on knotted cords or shoelaces and knot pull apart rather easily.

To clean the garbage disposal, but 1/2 cup vinegar in an ice cube tray, fill the tray with water and freeze. Grind the vinegar cubes down the disposal once a week. The ice cubes sharpen the blades and the vinegar cleans and freshens the disposal.

For rusting knives: Stick them through an onion for 1/2 hr then wash and polish. Wipe them with a light coating of vegetable oil to keep the rust from coming back.



Maybe after reviewing all of these tips I'll feel inspired to clean today!

Even More Stuff I Need

So a couple of months ago I decided that I needed to record all the daily episodes of 10 Years Younger on TLC. They play two episodes a day, so the episodes got back logged pretty quickly. The list of recorded episodes got rather overwhelming actually, so I canceled all future recordings. I couldn't bring myself to delete any of the episodes I had recorded. It felt like throwing away something I worked hard for. Kind of like that feeling you would get at Kiddie Kandids back when everything wasn't digital and they'd print your pictures before you got to see them. Even when one of the pictures of your children was truly terrible and you really disliked it you would still buy it because it felt like you were abandoning your poor kid at Kiddie Kandids if you didn't. So I didn't delete those episodes. I watched every single one of them. It took a while, but I did it. I love watching them transform people. When I was younger (my teens and 20's) I thought that plastic surgery was ridiculous and I could not understand why people would do such things to their face and body. Then one day I turned 31 years old. That was the day I noticed the giant crevice that had developed on my forehead. That was the day I became okay with plastic surgery. I say if it makes you feel and look better then go for it! In moderation of course. I still don't understand why people want to look like this.

So here is a new list of things I NEED, in part inspired by watching so many episodes of 10 Years Younger, and mostly inspired by the realization that I am not okay with aging. I would like to have all and or any combination of these that will make ME look 10 years younger!

Teeth Whitening This would include new resin bonding between my teeth so the color would match (there is a large gap between my front teeth)
Botox (just a little to deal with the crater wrinkle from squinting)
Microdermabrasion
Fraxel Laser Treatments (or what ever is going to deal with the redness and broken blood vessels in my cheeks).
Laser Hair Removal (so I don't have to tweeze those two man whiskers that keep cropping up on my face, and the bikini area, because someday I will lose weight and wear a swim suit again).
Lasik Surgery
Laser Pore Reduction
A custom fitting by The Wizard of Bras
A new wardrobe!

Not Going So Well

Project Love Myself More Than I Love Food is not going so well. Why? I'll tell you why. Because places like this one exsist. Loving myself more than I love food may just be impossible people. Because I LOVE food. Also, it is not helping that I don't love exercise. I've got to buckle down and try, because I'm almost 34, which makes me almost 35. THIRTY-FIVE. Holy crap, that is OLD. If I have to be old, I could at least have a smokin' hot body to offset the oldness, right?

Create

So lately I've been planning in my head a monster post about how I am not creative or really all that domestic. I was going to describe how completely lost I feel as a professional homemaker. Because there is nothing at all professional about the way I do it. I can't sew, I'm not a great cook, I have no interest in interior decorating (our home would be rather bare without Nash, he handles that stuff). I don't enjoy scrapbooking, tole painting, or crafts in general. I rarely bake anything, and if I do it was previously frozen. I'm no good when it comes to dressing girls or doing their hair. I'm not a great housekeeper (although when I get around to it I can make a bathroom sparkle). I was going to say that I feel like I am failing my family, because quite frankly I stink at running a household. I should have been fired a long time ago.

My friend, Angie, posted this video on her blog the other day. It is part of a talk Elder Uchtdorf gave at the women's conference during the last general conference. Thanks Angie for the reminder. I may not be the average homemaker, but I do have the capacity within me to create. I may not always recognize what my strengths are, but I do have them! The critic that is paralyzing me is ME!

Gets Me Every Time

I cannot watch this video without bawling my eyes out.