As Michael pondered how shallow he had been, he was struck by another thought. It wasn't simply that he hadn't gone deep enough. It was rather that he had grown accustomed to wading in pools that had no depth to begin with. A turn toward holiness would be a turn toward a different life altogether - to a life where different things mattered than had mattered in the past. Did he desire such a life? He knew that of all the questions, this was the most important.
— James L. Ferrell (The Holy Secret)
So, I originally wrote this post back in December of last year. I never posted it because with it I included a list of things I've done in my life that weren't so stellar, and a list of current weaknesses. I've decided to post what I wrote because I needed a reminder, but I think I'll leave out the list of reasons I'm such an evil sinner. Here it is. . .
The whole background behind this post is the one theme that always sticks out to me when I go to church. Someone is trying to tell me something big time. I've been getting the same message for at least the past 7 years. Seven years people! Pretty pathetic, I know. The short of the message is this: "What lack I yet?" Years ago someone in one of our student wards gave a lesson about this scripture. Before that lesson I had always seen the scripture the same way. The young man was unwilling to give up his riches, so he was unable to enter the kingdom of God. Not a problem for me. I don't have any riches to give up. Probably never will! During the lesson we were asked what we weren't willing to give up. I may not have riches, but there a whole lot of little things I'm not willing to let go of that are holding me back (see the section that begins with "Becoming attached to worldly things"). It is so weird because you know that letting go of the little things is going to bring greater happiness into your life, and that leaving your hand wrapped around that nut is going to lead to misery, but sometimes you REALLY want that nut. You can't help it. Why are we so afraid to lose our old selves? Here is something Neal A. Maxwell said in conference in 1992 (from the talk "Settle This In Your Hearts"):
Consecration is the only surrender which is also a victory. It brings release from the raucous, overpopulated cell block of selfishness and emancipation from the dark prison of pride. Yet instead of striving for greater consecration, it is so easy to go on performing casually in halfhearted compliance as if hoping to “ride to paradise on a golf cart.” (Henry Fairlie, The Seven Deadly Sins, Indiana: University of Notre Dame Press, 1979, p. 125.)
But is being consecrated and “swallowed up” a threat to our individuality? (See Mosiah 15:7.) No! Heavenly Father is only asking us to lose the old self in order to find the new and the real self. It is not a question of losing our identity but of finding our true identity!
In the past I've argued with myself that some of the things that I am holding on to are what make me "me." I've worried that letting go would make me a person that my current self wouldn't like. So many times I have been on the verge of finding my true identity, but I haven't yet waded into the deeper waters. It's time to dive in head first and not look back. So on this, my 34th birthday, I resolve to find my true identity. Lets hope that it is easier than losing weight ;).
You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
C. S. Lewis
